wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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