Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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