I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
