you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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