It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
