What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize