I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
