you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
sarcasm needs its own font
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
