Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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