Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize