Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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