Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
