i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
