were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
