you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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