I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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