just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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