I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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