i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We had to coat check the pizza.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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