We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
