and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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