whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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