do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
