I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
