No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
