hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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