come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I AM VODKA MAN
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
