I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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