goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
