guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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