hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's always time for handjobs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
