How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
