I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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