2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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