My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
