Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
