Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
