Will you blow on my dice?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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