i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You ruined the universe
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
