And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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