how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
