Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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