You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
