so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
