I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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