I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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