1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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