I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
