I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
