those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't think brook has ever known best
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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