What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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