i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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