I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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