Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
