so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
