Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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