We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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