if you like me you must not know who I am
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
