a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
