Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
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