i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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