Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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