i just google imaged poop.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
