she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
