when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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