Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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