I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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