oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
