He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize