why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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