I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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