dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize