the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
