Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
