The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
