need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
